Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
