hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
