You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Holy sore nipples Batman
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
