I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
