I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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