Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
