My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
