Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
