your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
