Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
