Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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