its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize