no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
