so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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