I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
