Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
