im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I am one with the molecules
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize