What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
