I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
