i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
