It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
