girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I pour the whiskey from now on
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
