Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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