dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
