You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm getting married
To pizza
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
