I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
