remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
