jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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