The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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