Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize