you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
