You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
