We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
