hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize