There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
