I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
