i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
