i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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