She went from zero to smokin in five shots
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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