do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
