I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
