I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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