kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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