she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
