yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
