He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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