apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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