you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
