Why is your signature on my underwear?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
