I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
This house was built for laser tag.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
