it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
