i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
