its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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