okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize