whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
