Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
