I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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