Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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