May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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