the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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