we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
These tits shall not be calmed
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize