You don't have asthma, your pregnant
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
