I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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