At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
