I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
