I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
