You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
