I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
