I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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