i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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