sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
