this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize