wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
