it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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