My Higher Power is John Stamos
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
But break dance skills will only take you so far
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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