You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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