i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
