last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize