On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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