Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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