Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
