I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
