He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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