I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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