Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
