mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
