Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
