I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Just pee around me
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize