I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
