just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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